Friday, May 4, 2012

O yes.

Today was my last day of work, and probably my least busiest day at that. I guess work wasn't so bad, but I'm really looking forward to having real free time this coming week. I had to deliver dresses today, and the fact that they were so fucking heavy, causing me to sweat and run out of breath (my muscles were. so. sore.), was evidence enough that it's really time I start regularly hitting the gym.

List of things I need to buy:

How the fuck do girls wear heels all day? I try to practice wearing them at work, but at the end of the day, my feet are pained with blisters everywhere. I just can't get used to them. The balance thing is a lot of trouble too.

But now I'm officially unemployed. I'd love to remain in this peaceful, restful state because I just haven't quite had 'me' time for a really long time, but sadly, the real world continues to loom ever closer and I have to learn self-discipline and just work for a living.

I know I'm still young and immature because I still hold onto the mindset of not wanting to conform to what others have latched onto. My whole life I've never wanted to do what everyone else was doing, but if I had to, I'd make sure I was doing it completely differently. Combined with my stubborn nature, this usually resulted in my not ever doing what someone told me to do. Almost the worst thing someone can say to me is "You should do ____" because almost immediately will I reject it no questions asked.

It's become a conflict though because people have started telling me to do things I'd actually enjoy doing, but just the way I've lived my whole life puppeteers me to reject them. It's just become so instinctive it's frightening how much I'm holding myself back.

I need to start saying yes.

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