Thursday, November 29, 2012

And to all

Last week, I was talking with Patrick and Han about post-grad, how I had recently learned that the salary I should expect from an entry-level job in the field I want to pursue, television, is around $30,000. I bemoaned it for a bit because that is just an unliveable salary in New York City and contemplated how to survive. The two's comments regarding my situation dripped with disdain, basically dismissing the career path I worked my whole college career on as an insensible one. I thought about what to do, trying to figure out what job I should ultimately do instead if TV doesn't fall through for me. The alternatives seemed promising, but I began to cry because deep down, I didn't ever want to be in this position, to have to choose to do anything but TV.

Today was the last day of lecture for my Producing for TV class. My professor closed off the class asking us, "If you couldn't be in television, what would be doing?"

As my classmates around me started muttering answers like "surgeon," "lawyer," "stocks," I thought quietly to myself. Advertising? That's the closest thing to TV I could do if I really couldn't do TV. But even with that reasoning, I still couldn't actually believe this to be the truth. Even then, I still wouldn't want to do advertising. I didn't know what my answer would be.

But then my professor spoke up.

"Your answer should be 'nothing.'

You're in television because you love it. There's nowhere else you'd want to be. Otherwise, you will never survive. Have a good night, everyone."

Every speaker who comes to speak to us from every different corner of the TV industry always teaches us, among all the technical skills and characteristics we need to have to be successful in TV, above all, we need passion. Passion is your drive. Passion is what gets you out of bed in the morning. Passion is what keeps you up past 5am to perfect that script, that take, that edit.

Passion is what feeds your soul.

Good night, everyone.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

today and tomorrow

I noticed that we always seem to be dissatisfied with our current states of being.

As a rule:
When you're in middle school, you start reading Seventeen.
When you're in high school, you start reading Cosmo.

When you're in middle school, you watch TV shows about high schoolers.
When you're in high school, you watch TV shows about college students.

And now that I'm in college, I gravitate towards TV shows about people in their late 20's and even 30's. And I relate so well for some reason.

Maybe it isn't that I'm watching something I relate to, but more that I'm learning of what may be. Maybe I use television as some sort of time machine portal through which I can spy into the future in order to learn how to live in the present.

Too bad I watch too much television in the present to do anything about it.

I do notice that one of my favorite things about TV is the fact that it can guide you through the rough patches of life. Like currently, when I feel down about love, I know I can count on Sex and the City to show me the way, double points because it incorporates New York so well into it. I feel like it's a mentor giving me advice. And other times, when I just need to forget my worries, I can pick out a random Family Guy or Will & Grace episode and just laugh. It's usually these times that I feel so alone and feel like no one understands, but then the right TV show will come along and show me the way.

One day I want to be able to tell a story that transcends itself and provides solace for others, whether through stories of everyday trials and tribulations or just pure unadulterated comedy.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Grease is the word

I fully approve of my decision to spend my Wednesday skipping class and staying home to watch Grease instead.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Tina on boys

Amy Poehler: "There are a lot of girls who look at you as a role model. Maybe they're really smart and funny but aren't quite getting a lot of boy attention, and they're stressed out about it. What would you say to them?" 
Tina Fey: "You know what? Let the boys practice on other girls. Let them treat other girls like crud, let them learn how to French kiss for, like, 10 years, let them give some other girl a bunch of crappy Valentine's Day gifts, and then you just move in when they're fully formed." 
Source: Marie Claire

Sunday, November 11, 2012

The Productive Ways I Spend My Days

Today, I:
  1. Well, hadn't done laundry in almost a month, so that had to be done first. 
  2. 21 Jump Street was on TV so had to watch that because best movie ever.
  3. When laundry was done, before I could fold it, I had to pick the best playlist to fold clothes to because priorities ok. My "LETS FOLD CLOTHES" playlist is still a work in progress.
  4. My room was a pigsty, since it just felt easier to throw things on the floor the past few weeks instead of in their rightful places because Sandy. Can't work in a pigsty though, amirite, so had to clean that up.
  5. Made this bracelet stand in the process because there was a toilet paper roll and cardboard amid the mess.

    I am totally legit with crafts: had magazine pages spread out all over my floor and made a glue + water mix -- papier-mache, bitch.
  6. Remembered that Glee was trending on Twitter on Thursday, so had to watch this week's episode to see what all the hype was about even though I don't watch Glee at all LOL. Twitter hype probably wasn't about Blake, but omg Blake
  7. Defeated all the available levels on Bubble Mania finally waddupp
  8. Wow, A&M beat Alabama. Even though I'm a Longhorn at heart, good job, Aggies, doin' the state of Texas proud.
  9. Finally got around to starting that major grade paper that I've put off for 3 months. Still in the outlining process, until I started getting sleepy, so first, I looked up foods that keep you awake and realized my body defies all because I had eaten everything on the list in the past few hours except for spicy foods. Then I decided to just run intensely in place + do pseudo-squats (does anyone remember how to do real squats???) to wake me up, but it all ended up making me more tired... what is my life.
I think I did more today NOT working on my paper than I do on normal days not doing anything at all.

And I still haven't started writing my PRL paper lol.

Monday, November 5, 2012

The 3 Times in My Life That I Ever Held Hands With Someone

It was the summer before I entered my freshman year of high school. I was volunteering at a convention away from home. It was nearing the end of the night, and one of the other volunteers whom I had been working with that day asked if I wanted to check out the rave with him (lolraves). I said sure because there was nothing better to do.

We went and danced and because I am forever awkward, every time he tried to get close to me, I maneuvered myself away. About 20 minutes in, I was bored and decided to check out what else was going on. He tagged along.

I didn't really know my way around, so the two of us just kind of wandered and talked about things. I can't really remember about what exactly because the next thing I knew, we were holding hands, and I immediately became flustered and probably remained incoherent the rest of the night.

I eventually tired out from gadding about in circles in an attempt to unwind this confusing knot I found myself in and told him I was calling it a night. He insisted on walking me back to my hotel room. When we reached my door, I said an abrupt good night, which prompted him to ask, "That's it?" To this day, I can't tell if his leaning in was a request for a kiss or his tendency to bob his head like a rooster in slow motion.

It was the fall semester of my junior year of college - studying abroad at Yonsei. Cameron and I had just found out that Sookhee and other random people thought that we were actually going out, causing the two of us to have a hearty chuckle over the matter.

Later that night, we met up with Douglas's friends from home, and on cue, we immediately introduced ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend because while Camstance wasn't our name, trolling was our game. We kept up the schtick, along with the "I'm Mexican" bit, for a while until we gave it up, or slipped, whichever makes us sound like we knew what we were doing.

The rest of the night is a bit fuzzy from there (Alcohol/Good Decisions 2012), but suddenly I was aware of the fact that Cam and I were holding hands under the table, interlocking fingers and everything. Then, one of the girls noticed and raised an eyebrow in doubt of our previous admission of relationship. I immediately unlaced our hands out of awkwardness and refused to say a word about it.

It was the spring semester of my junior year of college, aka last semester. Will had recently moved to New York in search of a job, and he reached out asking if I wanted to meet up. This was during my lack-of-friends awareness, pre-therapy time, so I was eager to hang out with anyone who was willing to keep me on board when they cast their net.

We decided to just chill in his apartment in Brooklyn because going out to drink could get pricey, so I brought tequila. We chatted as if we were old pals (we weren't) and took some shots for the sole purpose of taking shots (Alcohol/Good Decisions 2016). The Mexican sting ended up being a little too much after the fifth shot, so he tossed me a beer.

Eventually we ran out of things to say (it took 20 minutes), so Will suggested we watch a movie. When we could find nothing good on HBO, we skimmed through the torrented collection on his laptop. He was a little too upset that I had never seen Kung Fu Panda, so I just submitted to the idea of watching anything that wouldn't require me to fake conversation for another 2 hours. He decided that watching on his bed would be more comfortable. I couldn't agree more because I innocently + lazily love beds, so we nestled in, but not close.

I couldn't feel the tequila before, but now I couldn't keep my laughter in. Everything on the screen was just, so, funny. 5 minutes in, and I think I was just laughing at movement. 1 minute after that I realized our hands, cold from clutching chilled beer bottles for 10 awkward conversational minutes, were providing each other with warmth. And here I thought that holding hands in bed during movies was just a thing of the movies.

Guys' hands have a sinister way of sliding their fingers into yours, like 5 snakes in the grass. (Or 10 snakes hugging? Is my serpentine imagery failing?)

But the moment I realize that our fingers are intertwined, I feel warm and safe and, most of all, loved, just for a second, before I decide that I feel too uncomfortable with this manual intimacy. Or any form of intimacy as a matter of fact.

Is it sad that in my head, I push all the bases up one and consider "holding hands" homeplate?

Of Carrots

Sometimes I don't feel like I'm really living unless I'm tossing and turning in bed in ecstasy, wondering what possibilities tomorrow might bring, imagining 542,364 different conversations that can be had with That One Guy.

Normally I'm tossing and turning in bed out of insomnia because I don't feel like there's any reason to go to sleep just to wake up to another day, with no plans other than class, then food, then more sleep. I just can't will myself to lie in bed unless there's something more to really look forward to. I'd rather just stay awake, aimlessly scroll up and down Facebook, and read random articles on the Thought Catalog all night.

That One Guy. I've had 4 of them in my lifetime. And despite all the heartaches that accompanied each of them, I really felt like I was living during those 4 times. I showed the best side of myself, and the worst side of myself. I was real. I was raw.

Does my credibility go down if I compare life to carrots? If I say that carrots taste good when cooked, but are best for you when raw? If I say that life is like kind of like that too?

Or do I just end up confusing you because life can't be cooked?

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Back in Light

I'm so overwhelmed by everything that has happened as a result of Sandy this week that I can't even write about it. My apartment finally got power back today, and I haven't been more grateful to be back. Seeing NYC, the always-lit city that never sleeps, in complete darkness and sleeping was so eerie. The city is slowly getting back up on its feet now, and in a few days, everything should be back to normal.

I never imagined that this city could ever be shut down, but I guess anything really is possible. I think I'm just more surprised at how everyone managed to pull through and get through this madness together. After this experience, I think I can say to the bottom of my heart that New York is truly amazing.