Friday, July 26, 2013


Sigh, I didn't get the job. I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. Back to more applying and cold-calling then.

Maybe I should do what the main character in Someday, Someday, Maybe did and give myself a deadline for my “dreams.” Not saying that that would make me work harder towards my goal because I feel like I’m doing all I can, but I don’t know how much longer I can make everyone around me worry for my unemployment, especially my parents, who just completely don’t support my decision at all.

Okay, it’s only been 2 whole months since I graduated. It’s still too early to worry. I have to stay positive.

Keep calm and whatever the fuck.

Monday, July 22, 2013

interview follow up

On Friday, I had an interview with a legit production, but I don't want to say what it is in case I jinx it. The interview went super super well, especially because we spent a good amount of it talking about the non-work-related stuff on my resume, i.e. my study abroad experiences. It really lightened the mood and allowed me to show my true true self, which I find a) hard to display when I'm stuck discussing the stuffy details of my work ethic + b) a much more exciting person to be around than my reserved interview persona.

But standard interview procedure calls for a follow-up email within 24 hours of the interview, and I got my interviewer's business card and clearly saw it in my purse when I put it there but lost it in the end, meaning I have no way of contacting my interviewer now. Sigh life. I really really really cross-my-fingers hope that this doesn't screw my chances, because technically I forget to follow up like all the fucking time and I do want to say that I totally didn't follow up on the interviews for the last two jobs I got. So here's to hoping?

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Vincent Kartheiser and Alexis Bledel are such a beautiful couple.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013


If David and I weren’t dating, we wouldn’t be friends. Our personalities don’t mesh as friends. We have different interests, we enjoy different activities, we have different perspectives on things. But in spite of all this, we mesh so well as partners.

One day in Korean class, 선생님 asked us what was most important to us in finding a partner. Everyone gave the typical slew of “personality,” “education,” “looks” answers. As we added those words to our limited vocabularies, she wrote a new word on the board: 가치관. She loosely translated it to “values” and went on to elaborate that there is another level to relationships that really makes them stick. You could like the same bands and the same bars and complete each other’s sentences, but if your values are misaligned, you wouldn’t work out. You couldn’t work out. You have to want the same things, believe in the same things, be going down the same path.

David caught me at the right place and right time. If we had met anytime earlier than we did, I wouldn’t have given myself to him. Even though I had constantly wished for a boyfriend, I was never ready for one. There was always still more I wanted to do for myself, and just myself. I wasn’t ready to stop being selfish yet. And he wasn’t ready for me either. Any time earlier, I would’ve caught him taken, in a once-a-monthly sexual, mediocre relationship, and then lost, trying to get over the loss of the other half he had attached himself to for a year. I’m a very impulsive person, and I rely too much on my instincts to be swayed otherwise. If I had met David any time earlier, during any of these times, my immediate instincts would not open my heart to him at all. I would’ve found him physically attractive but nothing more.

But we didn’t meet earlier. We met at the perfect time. I had finished fooling around with the world, with random boys, with random interests and was finally ready to settle down, with graduation and the real world looming. And he had gotten over his ex and was ready to open his heart again because he lives to care, to love.

I’m scared though. I’m scared that even though our values are the same, they might not be in the same place. Whenever we get to talking about the future, all signs point to him staying in the Midwest where he grew up and leading a normal, stable life, but even before that, going to dental school nowhere near New York City. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to find a job in television, in New York City, where it is the complete opposite of normal and stable. This is what I want now, even though in the future, I do want the normal, stable, suburban family life outside of New York. But I don’t know where and how all of my wants right now factor into my future. David’s current path is definitively going toward the future he wants. My destination, on the other hand, is the same as his, but I’m going the opposite direction. I just want to be able to satisfy my whims until I’m ready to turn back around on my own. I’m scared though that he’ll just go on ahead of me, without me.

I love him. I love him so much. It never occurs to me that we have nothing in common because we just love each other. Isn’t that the only thing we need to have in common? But that’s why I’m scared, because our values are there, we both want the same things, but I’m the one who might eventually fuck this up because maybe I’m not quite there yet on the whole figuring-myself-out thing.

I told David that if we broke up, I don’t think we would stay friends because we would have nothing to talk about. There were no external experiences we would share, so we would never even cross paths. We would never be in each other’s lives again.

To this, he replied, “Then let’s just never break up.”

Monday, July 15, 2013

Points of Uninterest

I learned how to use the dishwasher, but now I have to Google how often it's okay to use it because I realize that it's a much more efficient clean than my hand washes, especially when the dishes have piled up extensively, as it always is when Christina is around, so I feel like I'll be using it all the time.

Now that David is around all the time, I don't feel like I can do anything. I feel like anytime there's something I want to do just for myself, and not for anyone else to participate in, or be involved in, or even know about, I have to tell him. He has to know what it is. And then he has to know all about it afterward.

It's not that he's nosy or anything. He's just curious and cares, as any loving boyfriend would, and I'm sure I would ask the same questions if he were to get up and leave in the middle of the day out of nowhere. And it's not that I resent him in anyway, not at all. I've just finally realized how valuable alone time is, and of course this realization takes place when I'm the complete opposite of alone.

I guess this is lesson one for me in the relationship trek: how to balance 'me' time with 'we' time. I wish I was more proactive about doing things during the month he was away.

Goals goals goals:
-Write write write
-Cook cook cook
-Read read read
-Language language language

current life

2 months in and I can finally write cover letters without wincing. On top of that, they are all personalized. It just comes so naturally to me now. I think it's because I have all of the evidence of my credentials practically recited because I've had to state them for 2 months straight.

This is all I have to say about my life now.