If only

My god. I just applied for 6 internships in the course of 2 hours. This may be a foreign concept to most people, but I actually take the time to craft out every cover letter separately.

Once you get into the mindset of writing cover letters, they just come so naturally to you, but this is the first time it's ever happened to me. Or maybe it's just a writing thing. The other day I was writing script coverage, and I practically could've finished writing the whole breakdown of the script in a day if it wasn't for the random breaks I took (and the water spill I had to furtively clean up, oops), but I was just on a roll. I seriously just have like one more conclusion sentence to write. I'm not sure if you're even supposed to spend more than a day writing script coverage, but I like to think through my words in order to perfectly capture the essence of the script and make sure all of my character descriptions reflect the flavor of each person precisely.

Writing is such a comfortable activity once you can get into the groove of it.

I should probably go to bed now, since it's way past my bedtime. Yes, I didn't go to bed because I was too caught up in cover-letter-writing mode. If only HR used as much effort to look through my applications.

Every Thing

This job hunt thing is making me realize that I need to be more open-minded.

I used to be so lax about everything. I accepted everything, but that was because frankly, I didn't really have an opinion about anything. We had a mock election at school in 2004; I voted for the independent candidate. I don't even remember his name, that's how much I really didn't care. Favorite food? Pizza, because that was the easiest answer to come up with. I really didn't mind it. And by god, favorite TV show? Whatever was on.

I think it's this 'growing-up' phenomenon, and being in college, that is giving me perspective on the world and in turn, giving me an opinion. But when I started having in opinions near the second half of high school, I chose to be one-sided. I chose to just have one opinion and not the other. Political views? Conservative. Favorite food? Mexican. Favorite TV show? Ok, my having several favorite TV shows reflects the fact that my love for television was burgeoning during this time.

I don't like Sci Fi, so I don't read Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, much less watch the movies. I don't like reality TV, so I can't choose to turn on Real Housewives or Jersey Shore. And shut the fuck up, you organic vegan yoga-loving cult. I actually like food that tastes good.

But I guess when it comes to most things, deep down, I've always not been too stringent in my tastes. These days, I'm slowly starting to open up again because it's in me to be able to.

• I say I'm conservative, but really, I'm just fiscally conservative and socially liberal (just like many other women out there). 
• Yeah, I like Mexican and am not a big fan of the vegan organic craze, but I also like Italian, and I'm starting to try new foods and realizing other things taste good out there. In Singapore, I felt so ethnic eating all the different foods and quite liked laksa, prata, and murtabak. Just last Saturday, I went to eat Mediterranean food: hummus, tahini, chicken, and pita. To be honest, I wasn't a huge fan of it, but at least I know for sure now because I've tried it.
• And TV. I will always be a comedy person, but good television is good television. The Voice is pretty good for a reality competition, and as far as a group of "real" people living together causing drama, The Glee Project was my first tiptoe into that realm and I actually enjoyed myself this past summer. Awake is sort of sci-fi-y, and I love the premise. I'll get to Homeland this summer, I promise. It'll take me a while to warm up to Game of Thrones and Downton Abbey though, if ever. I'm even considering watching The West Wing and possibly even Battlestar Galactica, idk. Ok, I can go on forever when it comes to TV sooooooo stopping now.

As I'm looking for a job, I realize I have to let go. I have to start accepting a lot more. They say growing older makes you more close-minded, but I think if we're actually becoming more aware of the world, we should be more open-minded. You really have to be more open-minded to realize new things you might love.

I interviewed with Oxygen a couple of weeks ago for an internship, but the whole time, I kept thinking about how I wouldn't enjoy working there because I'm just not a fan of its programming, minus The Glee Project (teehee), because I just don't like reality. Needless to say, my attitude affected my performance during the interview greatly, and surely enough, I didn't get the second interview. But actually, I'm starting to warm up to the idea of reality because it's entertainment, and that's pretty much what people watch TV for. Most of the time, you really don't want to think. And who am I to say I don't like reality? I really enjoyed The Glee Project. I obviously have a place in my heart for "bad" television.

So my prof says he can hook me up with a chance to interview with Syfy. And in this business where cinching the job depends solely on networking, this opportunity is a much better get than the rest of my applications in which I have no people on the inside. But I didn't email him back right away because the thought kept running through my mind: "I don't like sci fi, I don't like sci fi."

But I love TV. And if I want to be there, I need to take whatever I can get for now and stop limiting my chances just because "I don't like sci fi."

Maybe it's not that I need to not care about things anymore, but that I should maybe give everything a chance.

Before you know it, I'll be giving online dating a shot in my lonely 30's.

I can be strong after this.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."

—Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

The way with words

I find that confidence and articulation go hand in hand because I'm normally so inarticulate, but I realized it's because I'm usually protecting myself- I always think that everyone else knows more than I do, or that I actually don't know anything- so I never believe in what I'm saying and end up being constantly inarticulate.

But when I feel that I have leverage over others, when I feel that I do have an authority position over other people, somehow, words just seem to flow like glitter.

I'm so much more articulate when I write than when I speak because I can hide behind words and not have to attach a face. When I talk, my words become a bunch of puzzle pieces you can't seem to fit together.

This almost makes me seem like an introvert, but strangely, I'm not. I don't get embarrassed when having to strike up a conversation with new people, but what I'm saying should make me so. Word tossed salad.

all i do is cry these days

My life right now is like How I Met Your Mother. It was really good to begin with, then completely went off track and sucked, and now isn't as great as it used to be anymore by so much. The only reason I'm sticking around is because I just want to see how it ends.

Good times

Wow, I've been in an incredibly great mood today.

Today I had two big research papers due, one for ISP and one for TV Management. Essays are rough for me, so having to juggle two was quite the task. The weeks leading up to the week before these were due, I was kind of freaking out about how to tackle the two papers, but when the time finally came down to get these done, I wasn't feeling the pressure at all, in spite of the fact that I only did the ISP paper on Monday and the TV Mgmt paper on Tuesday, with both due Wednesday.

Normally, I would be freaking out because in order for me to write a paper I'm satisfied with, I need about a week to work on each. I decided to just aim for a 'B' though because I knew there was no way that I could possibly write 'A' papers when I have to undergo two of them at the same time. I think I need to lower my expectations more often because I've never been more satisfied with any paper I've ever written, although I found out today that the TV Mgmt paper was supposed to be a minimum of 10 pages, whereas I stopped at 7...

No midterms this week (except for a semi-leisurely TV Nation exam) also helped my nerves to not get too strung. :) But they're falling on the same day after Spring Break, so we'll wait til then to start worrying :X

I'm not one of those people who have to work til the absolute last minute on papers in order to account for every bit of "genius" I might be able to include, so I let my papers go yesterday so that there was no need to worry about them today ~

Besides that, I still managed to do the reading for ISP, catch up on Deadline, and finish reading for TV Mgmt during my breaks, instead of napping! Weirdly, even though I haven't been getting my full 8 hours of sleep every night, I haven't felt the need to nap, although I kind of cheated on Tuesday and downed a Mountain Dew because I'm not quite able to nap during work.

The period also started today. Better soon than later because I'm boarding a plane to Singapore on Friday and would rather have to deal with less of that mess on a plane.

Patrick gave me a late birthday gift today, which is this bracelet made of mini tiles of books. :) You can see To Kill a Mockingbird there, even though it's not really my favorite book, but it's a super cute bracelet and I really appreciate it.


I was gonna audition for a staged reading today, but I realized that I wouldn't be able to make the rehearsals, so I just decided not to go even though I practiced my monologue quite a bit last night.


I don't know, I can't explain why I feel so great, but it's just been a really good day. I do have homework, and Spring Break won't really be a break for me, but I feel free. I have an interview with Oxygen tomorrow too! 


Well, I'm going to go take a shower now (:

Chintz

Wow, I guess I really deserve having no friends.

If you keep complaining that you have no friends, you should probably be nice to the only one you have, or else you really will have none.

And I say "you" because I'm pointing directly at a certain person, who won't be reading this.

I know I can't be friends with everyone, but I should at least be friends with someone. How is it, in this huge, diverse city, I can't fully get along with just one person?

I've pretty much had a falling out with everyone I've met here. I guess the only person at this moment that I like being around is Han, but our relationship is more of an empathetic one, since we went through the same tragic times together, and we're the only person of both of us who knows every detail of our sex lives. We don't have similar enough sensibilities to ever hang out though.

Why is college of all places the most difficult to make friends? I've seriously had no trouble elsewhere. I go abroad and make more friends in a year than I have my whole college career. And Houston was such a treasure trove of people. Isn't NYC supposed to be more so?

You know you're in a bad place in life when you have so many great ideas for parties but no one to invite.

Chinese has become my favorite class hands down this semester surprisingly. The people are all so friendly, so it's a really inviting atmosphere, even though I haven't really talked with any of them.

We learned a Chinese saying the other day: 早餐要吃好，午餐要吃饱，晚餐要吃少。 It roughly translates to "Eat well for breakfast, eat fully for lunch, and eat less for dinner," but in rhythmic rhyme. I normally eat a small lunch and a big dinner, so I decided to follow this little adage in hopes of a healthier lifestyle. As of today, who knew that eating so much for lunch would keep you full for the rest of the damn day? I still haven't eaten dinner yet, but I'm still not hungry, and I have to go to bed at... oops, 30 minutes ago. I guess those two research papers won't get written tonight then.